It's a cliché really. We say don't judge someone else until you have walked in his shoes. It sounds good. Even clever. How many of us actually take it to heart? And how many of us dads explain what that means to our kids?
First, you have to trip your son or daughter when they're walking by just to get them to stop. Second, you must yank that blasted smart phone from their fingers. It may require surgery. Then you have to implore them to sit down in a chair that is fairly close to you, look you in the eye and listen to you.
Putting others down to puff ourselves up
Today we call one another nasty names because it seems we have a right to do so. We push others around, those smaller and weaker. We ridicule those who can't fight back. We make fun of people's impairments, and we imitate the way they walk or talk. We push in front of them in line. We knock their school books out of their hands. We put them down to prop ourselves up. We say “prop,” because someone who degrades someone else isn't really superior to that person—he is fooling himself into thinking so. Actually, he feels small inside. Moreover, he's being small inside.
Permission to hurt
We're not sure why, but it seems as if we have suddenly given ourselves permission to be mean to others, to ignore rules of civility, to replace respect with revenge and to redefine “equality” as getting even. Generally speaking we don't tolerate punching one another. We don't slap someone for saying something with which we disagree. Yet, many of us freely curse or hurl an insult at someone, which may be more hurtful than actually striking a blow. Today, more and more, we shoot our mouths off. In some cases, tragically, we shoot more than just our mouths.
Return to the parental classroom
Dad, you need to teach your children empathy. When they see someone being put down or ridiculed, their reaction must be, “What if that were me being ridiculed—how would I feel?” If they see a classmate at school sitting alone at lunch day after day, ask them how they would feel if they always ate alone at lunchtime? If they see someone being made fun of because of a physical disability or speech impediment, ask them to think of one of their own idiosyncrasies and imagine how they would feel if everyone lifted it up as an object of derision.
You first, dad
It's easy to join the group and fall in line with bad behavior. It takes no courage to blend in and go along with the crowd. Blending in is a surefire way not to be special. Dad, your kids are special. Encourage them to rise above the harshness and meanness that is all around—to step up to a higher level and be a role model of kindness. Dad, rather than push them up, pull them up.