I stay seated, biting my lip as chairs clatter and hundreds of bodies rise up. I do not stand because, if I do, my son will stand, too ⁠— and immediately head for the exit, presuming the service is over. My son watches me and — even if everyone around us moves in the opposite direction — he knows that I, alone, am his guide. I notice a few stares in our direction. 

 

"Will you pray with me?" 

I bow my head, but I cannot close my eyes. If I close my eyes, I cannot keep my son safe. If I close my eyes, my son might walk out of the sanctuary and into the church parking lot. I keep my eyes open and try, try, try to concentrate on the prayer. 

 

"...as we reflect on the continued human-rights crisis in Ukraine..." 

My son, prone to fits of laughter at unexpected moments, begins to giggle. I lay a firm hand on his shoulder. His laughter crescendos to a shriek. I pause to marvel at his joyful, toothy smile; he is beautiful. I don't want to stop him. However, we're at church and we're praying peace over a war-torn country. I have to stop him. I pull out a bag of dry cereal, hand it to him. He pushes it away and continues to laugh. I look at my husband. "Should I take him out?" I ask. My husband widens his eyes. "I mean, everyone is staring," he says. 

 

I stand. I feel the well-meaning, curious stares. My son, noting that I am out of my chair, stands and heads for the door. I quickly grab my backpack and follow. We pace the hallways. A children's ministry volunteer makes brief eye contact, then looks away. We walk from one side of the building to the other, then stop at a bench. We sit, again, for a moment. I cuddle my son and wonder, again, where we belong. 

 

Is it any wonder that families of children with disabilities often live in a perpetual cycle of "church hopping" — leaning in, momentarily, only to pull away without explanation? Is there any way to disrupt this cycle? Yes. I believe there are a few things we can all do. 

 

If you're the parent of a child with a disability: 

1. Pray: Pray over your child's receptive language, nervous system, and sensory processing difficulties. 
2. Communicate: Send an email to church staff asking if specific supports, such as a sensory room with a live stream of the service, might be considered. 
3. Quit: Don't be afraid to leave a church that is unable to support your child's needs, even if that church appears to be well-meaning in all other respects. There is nothing wrong with looking for a church where your child will be comfortable. 

If you're a churchgoer who wants to support children with disabilities: 

1. Pray: Commit to praying regularly for people with disabilities in your congregation — as well as their families. 
2. Listen: Ask those families how you, or the church as a whole, might offer support. Be willing to listen. Be willing to advocate to church staff, if needed, on behalf of these families. 
3. Help: Volunteer in a special needs ministry. Tithe or donate toward supports that help people with additional needs (e.g., wheelchair ramps, sensory-friendly spaces, Braille hymnals, ASL interpreters, etc.). Commit to delivering the Gospel to this population. 

"Then he [Jesus] said to his disciples, 'The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.'" (Matthew 9:37-38)