We say it all the time, “Get involved with your kids.”

We are big advocates of active fatherhood. We tried hard to be involved dads as our kids were growing, in spite of university careers that demanded all of our time.

We sometimes got our careers and our “jobs” confused.

State of affairs

A recent Pew Research study showed interesting trends for fathers:

▪ 57% say that their role as a parent is extremely important to their identity. 

▪ While dads are much more involved in child care today, 63% say they spend too little time with their kids. 

▪ Only 39% said they felt they are doing a very good job raising their children.

▪ 52% of today’s fathers find it very or somewhat difficult to balance work and family life. ▪48% of working fathers said they would prefer to be home with their children but need the income that work provides.

▪ Incidentally, the study found that a majority of Americans feel mothers do a better job being a parent.

Roadblocks

We had few role models for parenting. We also felt a bit isolated.

While our dads were dedicated, supported the family and took us to ballgames, it was our moms we went to for advice, permission, and consoling when something didn’t go right.

When we became fathers, we were more involved in the lives of our children, but there still were (and are) roadblocks.

Like every other father, we contended with impossible work schedules that competed with bedtime stories, baseball games, school musicals.

Like you, we felt the pressure of keeping food on the table, gas in the tank and allowances in the pockets.

Like you, we had little time to meet the neighbors and build the village—a village that could serve as a valuable support system for everyone in it. And of course, if you are a single father, the hurdles are even higher.

Be possessive of your role

It is critical that dads take the lead in being involved in their child’s life. Maintaining a positive bond with your partner, whether or not you are together, is an important part of this relationship.

You should reinforce the value of each parent’s role and work hard to honor each other and develop a workable assignment of responsibilities. Create a reasonable work situation that makes room for your role as a father. 

It is a good sign that fathers are taking a more active role in parental and domestic responsibilities.

While positive trends are being seen, too many kids grow up without the benefit of a dad in their lives. Our upcoming book of interviews with dads will shed light on this issue.

The challenges are great, but we need to find ways to contribute professionally, foster our children, and, as importantly, find some time for nurturing our own health.