Vaclav Havel, jailed for his support of a democratic Czechoslovakia and the first President of the Czech Republic, put his successful career as a playwright on hold to lead dissenters against communist totalitarianism in his home country.

In 1990, he was invited to speak to the U.S. Congress. According to Havel, ordinary people everywhere can live in the truth only by embracing the "notion of human responsibility." Responsibility is "that fundamental point from which all identity grows and by which it stands or falls; it is the foundation, the root, the center of gravity, the constructional principle or axis of identity." 

"I am responsible for the state of the world. . . responsibility not only to the world but also ‘for the world,' as though I myself were to be judged for how the world turns out." 

Not me

"Who broke my vase?" "Not me." As parents we hear it all the time. The person running up against the rules, falling short, or missing chances is . . . "not me."

It's amazing how often we turn away and redirect blame, avoid responsibility, both kids and adults. Polluted rivers? Not my responsibility. Violence in society? Nothing I can do. Children falling behind in school? The fault of others. 

Kids and adults can find it easy to express ignorance, sit on their hands, say there is nothing that can be done, or lay blame. But think of how you feel when someone actually steps up and volunteers to get something done, takes a wrong and makes a right, or admits a mistake. 

Raise your hand

Be a parent who takes responsibility, someone who stands up when the need arises, a person who takes an optimistic, "I'll do my best" approach. This will serve as a great lesson to your kids. 

Take the pressure off. Your kids want to please you. They want you to be proud of them. They are afraid of failing and being ashamed. Tell your children that it's ok to make mistakes. Have you ever known someone who never made a mistake? We haven't. 

Open the door for discussion. Encourage honesty in dialogue. It's a much better foundation for discussion and relations than hiding in fear.

Be consistent with your approach. You can't expect perfection at one time and a loose acceptance of mistakes another. Growing up is a growth opportunity. Make it lively, compelling, enjoyable by creating a responsible and compassionate environment for your child. 

Clarify expectations. You can emphasize the rules and the importance of following them and still create a loving, tolerant growth opportunity for your child.

If there is little tolerance for mistakes, then the focus shifts to justification, not to learning what's right.