Dear Ellie:

It is not even the end of October and I just received an e-mail from my sister-in-law with a list of EVERYTHING that she, my brother, my four nieces and nephews wants for Christmas. While I do make a nice salary, and my husband is also very generous to my family, I am aggravated with these lists. We were not raised this way. While we have always exchanged gifts, we don’t make lists and give them to family members. I asked her one time what the deal was with these lists, and she actually grunted at me and said, "it's to make sure they get what they want and not the other crap people like to buy" or just give her cash. I just stood there catching flies, as the saying goes. Really, did she just say that? I don’t know what to do. My sister-in-law is a freak at Christmas and super selfish, my family is tired of this. 

Sick and tired of twisted sister-in-law

Dear Sick and Tired:

I understand, I had someone do this to me as well, yes an in-law. I feel these lists are intrusive, presuming, selfish, and ridiculous. I know there are many people who feel the whole world revolves around them and their wish lists, but your budget certainly does not. Gift giving is not a requirement or obligation, and it should be a pleasurable experience. You should have a personal relationship with the party you are buying for, if you are not close, then why are you buying them presents?

My family stops buying gifts when people have kids. So, if your brother got married, he went from one to two, then to a family of six, while you may be just two, it is a lot to ask regardless of income. I hear of large families drawing names and setting price limits or playing dirty Santa games. Holidays are supposed to be about Christ, family, and focusing on the people – not getting stuff.

Talk to your brother, this should be resolved with a simple phone call. Also, I personally do not give cash as a present. I am not obligated to anyone that requires an envelope of cash for Christmas. If I desire to buy a gift, I do, but I have never fallen in the rut of buying for everyone I know, and I don’t want this from them. I desire the pleasure of company, not the contents of your wallet.

People have gone nuts with Christmas and have really taken the joy out of the holidays. I want to see people, and enjoy the company they bring. Leave the presents for small children and for Santa Claus, maybe we should all take a step back and take inventory of our morals and not our wallets.

Good Luck,
Ellie

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