For thousands of years, human culture has promoted empathy. In ancient Greece, it was avoid doing what you would blame others for doing. In Rome, it was treat your inferior as you would wish your superior to treat you. And the sentiment appeared even earlier in Egyptian texts.

Many of the world’s religions extol the concept - the Jewish Talmud, the Hindu Mahabharata, the Islamic Sunnah, in Buddhism, and of course Christianity, and many more. It is one of the most important skills for success, in work and in all areas of your life. It's all about understanding where someone else is coming from and treating that person’s concerns the way you would your own.  

So why is it so hard to learn and why do we see so few examples in our world?

The concept of the "other"

So often we look in the mirror of humanity and see difference. We find exceptionalism, privilege, and superiority. We discover disadvantage, underprivilege, and limits. It plays out with gusto in competitive sports but is often part of our viewpoint in other areas of life. "At least we’re not (whatever)." "We’re better than (whomever)."  

We still struggle with accepting each other. The current international dialog about immigration has highlighted this. Hostilities around the world have caused many people to search for a better life, somewhere else. Many citizens across the globe fear harm and too often want to close the door because of what someone does or doesn’t look like. In Leviticus, we read, "Love foreigners as you love yourselves, because you were foreigners one time in Egypt," yet we rush to reject people because of a perceived fear based on slim evidence.

Our children see a contradiction in our religious teachings and our attitudes. How do we reconcile those and what can we teach our kids?

Lessons of empathy

Here are some things we can think about as we help our children become more empathetic. 

Listen. Let your son or daughter express how she is feeling. 

Inquire. Ask questions about the situation that is bothering them or why they have a negative feeling about someone. Avoid lecturing. What could have been done differently, what ways could have been employed to avoid judgment and improve the outcome?

Offer alternatives. There is usually more than one way to view a situation. Perhaps you can help your child see another possible viewpoint.

Step back. Help your child see that when someone looks different or does something that hurts our feelings, we can think of what might be going on in that person’s life. This brings some humanity to that person and helps us understand their situation a little better. 

Reflect. Taking time to think about an event or situation, through talking to yourself, writing about it, or reading about similar situations, can help diffuse negative feelings and improve outcomes.

Be a model. Make sure you take a positive approach to dealing with other people or situations. Think twice before you accuse, criticize or make assumptions about others.