Hi Ellie:

I am a middle-aged man of 60, take good care of myself, work out a few times a week, and am an avid runner. I have competed in a few half and full marathons, and am about to complete in my first Iron Man like competition. I am fully retired from a fulfilling life in real estate and fully own three homes; one is a rental, and the other is a vacation home in the mountains. I have no debt. I am frugal, but have the things I want that are material. I have Christian beliefs, but do not worship at an establishment. I have a few automobiles, a truck, RV, boat, and a motorcycle. I do not have any children or others I am responsible for their care. I like to water ski. I have a full head of hair, and was quite the looker in my youth as a surfer in Southern California.

I say all this to make my situation understandable.

I am alone. I have been alone for many years. My friends tell me I am alone because I just have not met the right lady. My closest friend tells me I am alone because I do not put myself in an atmosphere to meet anyone, and a lady is not just going to appear on my doorstep. I do like being by myself, being a hermit, involved in my projects, and tinkering around the homestead. However, I want to take someone to dinner, devote time to another person, and fall in love again, it had been 25 years. All my friends are married and have been for years, all their parties people are coupled up. I don’t want to be alone, I desire someone special in my life. Do you have any thoughts on how to meet nice people? If you are not married, I sure would love to date you.

Sincerely, Paul (Alone in the Rutherford Hills)

Dear Alone in the Rutherford Hills:

Sorry, sweet man. Despite your material wealth, I am deeply in love with my husband.

Now that that's out of the way. Thank you for writing into Ask Ellie. I have had to do a bit of research for you, as I just don’t know how people meet other people. Once you are all coupled up and married, one just doesn’t think about such things, so I put feelers out and have come up with a few ideas.

Online dating: I have been a bit put off by this after reading the book authored by legendary FBI profiler John Douglas “Anyone You Want Me to Be: A True Story of Sex and Death on the Internet,” a shocking case of the savage murders of six women across several states, all hunted in cyberspace. However, with that negativity, I hear it is a place to meet people of similar interests.

There are many dating sites that offer a few different things. I would recommend you list the things about yourself that are your best features, but leave out of your profile any mention of your net worth, what you own etc., to keep the women who want sugar daddies at bay. Before you open an account or build a profile, ask yourself what your two-minute speech about yourself would be, how you would like to be represented in public if addressed, and what your footprint is on the community. Write all this down and then begin resume building for your person. I also suggest you have a friend read it before you post it. I have read a few online that flagged me right away as BAD. For example, photos where a woman was obviously cut out, photos of children (don’t do this), and listing all the woman who have done you wrong. If you like animals, showing a photo of your dog is OK. Ask yourself what you want. Ask yourself what is important. For example, if you like to read and talk about politics, you may wish to find someone who lists these as well. If you enjoy boating, make sure she can swim. If you love cats, make sure she is not allergic. See where I am going?

• Find a site that a friend recommends
• Build a profile and have it reviewed by a good friend.
• Reach out to one or two ladies where you like their profile, not more than a few, it is disgusting to have a date each night of the week with a different person. It is shallow, and dirty.
• ALWAYS meet at a public place for no more than a few hours.
• If things go well, make a time for another date.
• CALL HER the next day and thank her dinner or whatever. Even if not interested in another date, call her anyway, it is polite.
• Be a gentleman – ALWAYS.
• Don’t bring a gift on the first date, but make sure to bring her flowers on the third.
• NO SEX on the first date, this is only a booty call, and there is stuff out there Ajax won't scrub off.
• ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS wear a condom. There are diseases out there yet to be discovered.
• Dating is supposed to be a get to know you time, so a movie or the theater on a first date is not a good idea. Food is always good, a walk in the park, Christmas shopping for a charity, local club trivia, or other light adventures.

Being a part of a group can be good for meeting people. Just remember “singles” groups, and “meet up” groups are all interested in the same thing; to meet people, so it can be a little intimidating at first. If you golf, there are singles golf associations, and there are Facebook meet up groups. Be aware that meet up groups and singles groups usually have a hierarchy with a queen bee and the mean girls from high school all over again but so much older and meaner, so use caution.

There are many restaurants in Murfreesboro that play trivia on the slower nights like Tuesday and Thursday. Coconut Bay Café has a trivia night on Tuesday starting at 7:30. If you do not have a team, the manager will pair you with a team. Mayday Brewery has game night, trivia night, and bands.

I met the man of my dreams in a Sunday School class, I think you may have great luck there as well if you would like to explore your Christianity. 

There are many running clubs in Murfreesboro that run at different times and days. Coach Rod Key (Facebook), can assist you with finding one to meet your needs. 

As we go into Fall there will be fundraisers, Oktoberfest’s, activities, luncheons, balls and events till the end of the year. Get involved and go to a few, there are always beautiful ladies milling about. The Murfreesboro Voice has a great calendar, as does WGNS Radio and The Rutherford Chamber of Commerce.

Meeting someone will take time. Never settle, and always be yourself.

Best of luck to you, Ellie 

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